Just Jokes

 

Q: Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?
A: A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
 

Q: How do you make a fire with two sticks?
A: Make sure one is a match!
 

Q. Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: Because he wasn’t peeling well!
 

Q: What’s the slipperiest country?
A: Greece!

 

Q: Why can’t you say a joke while standing on ice?
A: Because it might crack up!
 

Q: Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?
A: It ran out of juice!

 

Q: What do postal workers do when they’re mad?
A: They stamp their feet.

 

Q: Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?
A: The players dribble a lot.

 

Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.

 

Q: What is at the end of everything?
A: The letter G.

 

Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
A: Fingernails.

 

Q: How do locomotives hear?
A: Through the engineers.

 

Q: Why is tennis such a loud game?
A: Because each player raises a racquet.

 

Q: Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
A: A taxi driver.

 

Q: What two things can you not have for breakfast?
A: Lunch and dinner.

 

Q: What did one eye say to the other?
A: Between you and me, something smells.

 

Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
A: She ran away from the ball.

 

Q: What did Cinderella say to the photographer?
A: Some day my prints will come.

 

Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick.

 

Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: It had too many problems.

 

Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: It held up a pair of pants.

 

Q: How do hair stylists speed up their job?
A: They take short cuts!

 

Q: What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
A: Punch.

 

Q: What did the light bulb say to its mother?
A: I wuv you watts and watts.

 

Q: How can you tell that a train just went by?
A: It left its tracks.

 

Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: Just in case he got a hole in one!

 

Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

 

Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: I got you covered.

 

Q: What’s the tallest building in the world?
A: The library, because it has the most stories.

 

Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A: I better not tell you, it might spread.

 

Q: What did the class clown take a computer to school?
A: Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.

 

Q: Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?
A: At forks in the road.

 

Q: How do they serve smart hamburgers?
A: On honor rolls.

 

Q: What is the world’s longest punctuation mark?
A: The hundred yard dash.

 

Q: Why did the calendar write its will?
A: Its days were numbered.

 

Q: In what school do you learn how to greet people?
A: Hi school.

 

Q: What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?
A: Parachute school!

 

Q: Where does Friday come before Monday?
A: In the dictionary.

 

Q: What is black when clean, and white when dirty?
A: A blackboard.

 

Q: What kind of phones do people in jail use?
A: Cell phones
 

Q: What kind of driver has no arms or legs?
A: A screwdriver.

 

Q: What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?
A: A ruler.

 

Q: Why did the computer squeak?
A: Someone stepped on its mouse.

 

Q: Which runs faster, hot or cold water?
A: Hot, because you can catch cold.

 

Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves.

 

Q: Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
A: He wanted to go to high school!

 

Q: What did the one penny say to the other penny?
A: We make perfect cents.

 

Q: What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?
A: Holes.

 

Q: What did one hair say to the other?
A: It takes two to tangle!

 

Q: Why would Snow White make a great judge?
A: She was the fairest in the land.

 

Q: Where do you learn to make banana splits?
A: In sundae school.

 

Q: What kind of underwear to reporters wear?
A: News briefs.

 

Q: What did one wall say to the other?
A: I’ll meet you at the corner.

 

Q: Why did the strawberry call 911?
A: It was in a jam!

 

Q: What did Tennessee?
A: The same thing Arkansas.

 

Q: Why didn’t the girl take the bus home?
A: Because her mom would make her take it back.
 

Q: Why was the baseball game so hot?
A: Because all the fans left!
 

Q: What do you call a story about a broken pencil?
A: Pointless

 

Q: How do you fix a broken vegetable?
A: With tomato paste.

 

Q: What do you give a lemon in distress?
A: Lemonade.

 

Q: What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?
A: One minds the train, one trains the mind.

 

Q: What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?
A: You’re the only bright spot in my life.

.
Q: What do you call a scared train?

A: A fright train!
 

Q: Why did the thief take a shower?
A: He wanted to make a clean getaway!
 

Q: What does one bucket say to the other?
A: I am feeling pale today.
 

There was a man in prison he tried to find a way out, but he couldn’t. Finally, he found a way out through the cellar. So, he went through the cellar and ended up in a park. He shouted “I’m free! I’m free!” and a little girl said, “neat I’m 4.”
 

Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn’t take a bath?
A: Stinker Bell.
 

Q: If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?
A: In Washington, D.C.
 

Q: What happened when the monster ate the electric company?
A: He was in shock for a week.
 

Q: What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
A: Fish and ships.
 

Q: When is a car not a car?
A: When it turns into a garage.

 

Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: It needed a root canal.

 

Q: What is always hot in the refrigerator?
A: Chili

 

Q: What’s the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?
A: Sherlock Bones.

 

Q: What did one flower say to the other flower?
A: Hey, bud!

 

Q: Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?
A: He had no patients.

 

Q: How do you cut a wave in half?
A: Use a sea saw.

 

Q: What did Delaware?
A: A New Jersey.